The dongle
by Z-ro
Summary: Ruby never received the Talk, much to RWBY and JNPR's horror. - Reddit Writing prompt Wednesday #140 challenge. one-shot.


"Ruby, Dad gave us the talk like ages ago, remember when that boy came one too many times to sniff around our home? Dad pulled him inside and gave all three of us the talk. How did you not know about this?" Yang pointed to the book in Ruby's hand. Blakes book sat opened to some random spot that got Ruby curious enough to ask.

Ruby looked confused. "Yang, I don't remember having a dongle inside me be part of any kind of conversation."

"Ruby, it's not a dongle, it's a dong-" Yang flushed. She closed her eyes and just repeated to herself. __This is Ruby, your sister who you love. Just tell her.__ "Ruby you know how the mom that gave birth to me is different from our mom Summer right?"

"Yahuh." Ruby nodded. She pulled the pillow on her bed into her lap and watched as her sister did her best try and explain what the heck 'Dancing-Snowbird' girl in the book was going to do to a guy when she finally finds the 'right' one.

"Well Dad had sex with them both." Yang had two pillowed in her hands and made several gestures of the two pillows clashing together.

"So they had pillow fights and they made babies?" Ruby asked suddenly go wide eyed. "YOU MEAN I COULD HAVE HAD A BABY WITH YOU ANY TIME WHEN WE WERE KIDS!?"

Yang exhaled and covered her eyes. "No- Ruby, no. Just. Forget what I said. Just be you and not worry about it. If you feel like you want to be really close to someone or they want to be really close to you. We'll try this again then."

Ruby pouted. "That's not fair! You said I didn't know something and now you are just taunting me with it."

"Ruby it's not important. Just forget it."

Ruby couldn't forget it. If pillows were going to get her pregnant with a baby... She gently moved the pillow out of her lap and off her bed. She looked at the other one still on her bed. She had been sleeping partners with it since she came to Beacon. They had been the best of sleep buddies! "Farewell sleeping buddy." She gently pushed it off the bunk bed where it landed limply on the ground.

Yang just sighed and left the room. "I'll call dad. He can come and visit and talk to you about it. I swear to god, I am too young for this."

The door slammed behind her. Not ten minutes later, Weiss walked into the room and saw Ruby with a pitiful look at the pillows. "Ruby why are you staring at your pillows? Pick them up. We should keep this place clean."

Ruby covered her mouth. "Oh my god. Everyone has pillows on their beds! Oh my god is that what bed bugs are? Is that how you get pregnant?"

"What? No! Ruby you can not seriously think pillows can make you pregnant. What brought this on?" Weiss asked as she picked up her partner's pillows and handed them to the girl.

Ruby cautiously took them back and held them at arm's length and placed them at the head of her bed. She would be lying if she wasn't a little relieved pillows could not get her pregnant. "Yang was trying to explain how sex works."

"What?" Weiss asked seriously unsure if she heard that correctly.

"Oh my god you don't know either? Woo!" Ruby cheered as she raised her fists in the air. "I'm not the only one!"

"Ruby… I know how sex works." Weiss knew the next inevitable question would be something she would regret. Instead she asked, "How did this even come up?"

"Blakes book." Ruby raised Ninja's of Love. Ruby jumped off the bed when Weiss made a hand gesture for her to come down. "Weiss what are you looking at?"

"An idiot Ruby. I'm looking at an idiot. Ok sit down." Weiss pulled up a chair from the desk and sat across from Ruby who sat on Weiss bed. "Sex to make babies is something that a guy-"

Ruby tilted her head as she listened, "Like Jaune?"

"No! Not like Jaune." Weiss shook her head. "Let's not put faces and names in this Ruby. Just ****a**** guy. A guy and a girl who want to be so close that they are naked and they…" Weiss felt the head flush to her neck and ears. Weiss paused and exhaled at the surreal moment. "Ok. I can do this. Ruby when a guy and a girl want to get intimate, they will engage in sexual intercourse."

"What does golf have anything to do with it?"

"Shush, no interruptions until I'm over!"

Ruby eeped and nodded.

Weiss knew her breath was faster but she did her best to continue as her mouth did its best to impede in her ability to speak. "L-like I was saying, they had in-inter- Ug. Intercourse and then when the man and woman are finished the man leaves something behind in her and ninemonthslatertheyhaveababy." Weiss exhaled in a single breath. "That's it. I am not going to explain more than that. Go to the library and look it up for details if you really are curious." Weiss stood and quickly added before Ruby got any ideas, "Never, and I mean never try and figure it out with a guy on your own!" Weiss took her notebook and dashed out of the room.

Ruby sighed and picked up her scroll, Blakes book forgotten on Ruby's bed. "I guess it's to the library I go."

Ruby dragged her feet as she made her way inside and asked the librarian, "Where would I go to learn about sex?"

The librarian, an older woman who looked to have been working at the school for decades, blinked owlishly at Ruby. "I must say that __is__ a new one. A brothel or a doctor. But if you want to just read about it, there are a few books on first aid and bodily functions in aisle twenty seven. You will have to read those books here. They can not be checked out."

Ruby thanked the lad and marched down the aisles. "Oh hey Blake!" Ruby chirped when she spotted her teammate relaxing on a couch reading a book.

"Hm? Oh Hi Ruby. What are you doing here?"

"Learning about sex to make babies." Ruby announced proudly.

Blake looked around and only relaxed when she heard no one react to Ruby's proclamation.

"In a library?"

"Weiss said to. She said that I should learn how to play golf on a course and figure out what a guy leaves behind. Do you know?"

Blake closed her book and gestured Ruby to sit down. "Did you ask your sister about this?"

"She said pillows."

Blake closed her eyes and knew she would take all day to decipher this. After she had a long talk to Yang. "You know how we have a hole between our legs right?"

Ruby perked up and nodded eagerly. She took a seat next to Blake and put both of her hands under her chin. Eyes nearly sparkled. This started with Blake's books. So Blake must know.

Blake looked increasingly uncomfortable. It was a library so she exhaled and leaned forward to whisper what happens in sex to Ruby.

Ruby scrunched her face together. "What?" It was really all she could really say. "Wouldn't you like get diarrhea from it?"

"What?" Blake asked mortified.

"Yeah. Like when you stick your finger down your throat, you throw up. So if you did that with your butt, you'd get diarrhea and poo all over them or something?"

"Not that hole!" Blake said louder than she intended. Blake could hear the stomping of footsteps down the aisles. She knew it was the librarian. The older woman turned to glare at Blake before she raised her hand and pointed at the faunus girl then the door.

Blake left with equal levels of disappointment for leaving and relief she could stop talking to Ruby. The librarian huffed. "Here you go sweetie. I saw you had not made it that far yet so I found a decent book."

Ruby's eyes lit up. "Thank you ma'am."

The librarian smiled and walked back to her counter.

That was where Team JNPR found her. "What's up Ruby?"

Ruby looked up still confused but relieved. "Hi Jaune. Trying to figure something out. But this diagram looks nothing like a key dongle."

Jaune saw the bisected diagram of a male genitalia. "Oh, you're learning about a men's-"

Pyrrha covered his mouth when she realized what he was going to say. "The mans dongle."

Jaune rolled his eyes. "Dong. Not dongle. But yeah."

"Yeah. Found a book, they talked about making babies. I guess I never paid attention. Apparently-" Ruby realized she was talking to a guy about this and remembered Weiss's warning. "I don't think I should be talking about this with a guy, Weiss warned me."

Jaune gave the girl a sympathetic smile. "You go Pyrrha."

Jaune decided to grab Nora and Ren by the shoulders and pushed the three of them away to give Ruby and Pyrrha privacy. The older girl squirmed in her seat. "How about we start with what you do know?"

Ruby nodded and exhaled, "Well the first book says guys have sausages and peaches, Yang said that a guy can do it with two girls, oh and pillows can't get you pregnant, Weiss said that a golf course is supposed to happen somehow and Blake only started to tell me how pooing on people is involved."

Pyrrha was not even sure she __should__ address all of that, instead she cautiously asked,

"Ok, you know about your own body right? Your menstrual cycle and all that?"

"When my body says, this organ is useless! and gets rid of it? Yeah. Know all about that."

"Ok, so the goal of a guy is to put his seed in that thing before your body gets rid of it."

"But what if they are not a farmer?"

"Men don't have to be farmers to release their own personal seed, like our…" Pyrrha was not sure how to describe it without being vulgar.

"Organ?"

"Yeah. That. They can release stuff too. Guys try and get it released in a woman when they are ready to have a kid, or not. Plenty of accidents happen when both suddenly have an unintended child coming. Does that help?" Pyrrha asked hopefully while she turned to Jaune. Her face screamed __help me.__

Ruby nodded. "Thanks Pyrrha. So when a guy wants to get a girl pregnant they have to spray and pray. Gotcha. What happens when a girl does it though?"

Pyrrha looked lost and laughed to herself. "What Ruby?"

"Blake says she sprays and prays all the time."

"Jaune? Please come over here." Pyrrha called over to her partner, her voice was just the edge too close to hysterical.

"What's up? You guys finished?"

"Can you try?"

That got Jaune's eyebrows raised. He looked over to a bashful Ruby. She touched her fingers together. "I don't know. Weiss said to never figure this out with a guy. Oh! But Pyrrha's here, you both can teach me about sex. Dad did it with two girls."

To Jaune's credit, he was the only one of Team Juniper that did not blush beat red. "Let's be careful with our phrasing there Ruby. Give me that book. I'll run it down with you and you can have Pyrrha fact check. Sounds good?"

Ruby nodded.

-o-

Jaune closed the book. "And that's pretty much it. Sex can be looked at in a bunch of different ways, from expression of love to just two wanting to have fun. If you are really interested you should know what you are looking for and how to make sure its safe as possible. Most women keep track of their cycle so they can learn when is their most susceptible days for pregnancy. Guy's don't have anything like that. They just constantly regenerate it all."

Ruby gave an audible awe of wonder. "So all this time when I was saying those things, those were innuendos." She rolled the new word around her tongue. She thought back to all the times here teammates looked uncomfortable today and grinned. "Cool! Excuse me guys I got some- ah, conversations to have with my team. I want to see which one breaks when I ask them why you should never take bullets to the face from a farmer!"

Ruby cheerfully left the library.

Jaune looked over to his team. Pyrrha was hiding her face in her hands, Nora was looking anywhere but at Ren and Ren just kept his eyes closed and willed himself to not listen to anything that just happened. Eventually it was Ren that asked, "Jaune. What was that?"

Jaune handed the book back to the librarian with a smile as the group left the library. "Hm? That talk? Oh, I have seven sisters who had multiple boyfriends each, and they all loved coming over to the house late at night. Do you know how many times I've heard the talk? Seven sisters guys. I think I've seen more naked dongles in my life than any adult woman has a right to think of."


End file.
